


wherever you are is my home

by theystayalive



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Anne of Green Gables - Freeform, Distance, F/M, Fluff I guess, Letters, Post Season 1, Shirbert, anne misses gilbert and diana knows it, but dumb boy cant find the words to say it, gilbert being away, honestly this is just a fic about how much gilbert misses anne, its a little sad sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 22:52:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13913847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theystayalive/pseuds/theystayalive
Summary: Gilbert Blythe left Avonlea to see the world like his father would have wanted. But, for some reason, even though he has no money for stamps or even a post office, he keeps finding himself writing letters to people he misses back home...including a certain red headed girl with a broken slate and a fierce tongue.Anne Shirley had once vowed to never forgive Gilbert Blythe for the humiliation he caused her. But after a day in a coffee shop and a goodbye, she cannot stop seeing him in everything she does.





	wherever you are is my home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ephemeral_Joy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ephemeral_Joy/gifts).



> This fic is set about a month after Gilbert leaves. I don't address the thieves because as of right now we have no idea what their role is going to be. It's basically split between Gilbert's unsent letters home and Anne's life back in Avonlea.
> 
> So sorry it took this long to get an actual Anne With An E fic up on here, but, here it is folks, enjoy.
> 
> This is also dedicated to my queen Ophelia akak @lydia--stiles for her patience in me constantly asking for opinions and theories.

_Dear Anne-_

_Traveling the world is exciting and rewarding, but who knew I would have so much free time. Especially on the boat after everyone has settled in for the evening. I find it hard to sleep at night, though I don’t know why. I feel that the sound of the waves and the wind should be soothing and all, but I find it almost lonely. Truthfully, there isn’t much to do, so I find myself writing a lot. I have no way to send the letters I write, so mostly they end up either back in my pockets or out into the waves. But, it is still a comfort. So far, I’ve written to Moody and Charlie and Mr. Cuthbert and...well, you, I suppose. I’ve written a few to my father, as well, though I never can seem to finish them._

_I keep myself well-distracted with my duties on the boat, but at night, when everything is quiet, it becomes harder to ignore this ache that’s been in my chest these last few weeks. Anne, I do miss my father terribly._

_I miss his laughter. Before he got sick, he had the loudest of laughs that would fill any room. You couldn’t help but smile along with him. I miss his singing. He wasn’t a particularly gifted singer, but he knew an endless amount of songs from all his traveling and he would always teach them to me. No matter what he was doing; chopping wood, or cooking, or tending to the horses, he was always singing. I miss his stories. He had all of these fantastic, larger than life tales he would tell me and half the time I didn’t even believe they were true. Those stories were what made me want to go out and see the world for myself in the first place._

_I think he would be proud if he saw me doing it now. Don’t you?_

_I’ve no idea when I’ll be back to Avonlea. But I have a sneaking suspicion there’s so much more for me to see before I do._

_Sincerely,_

_Gilbert Blythe._

 

+++

 

“That is nowhere close to being correct, Mr. Spurgeon, sit down”.

Groans erupted from around the room as yet another competitor sheepishly took his seat in defeat. There were now only four left standing at the front of the room.

Mr Philips narrowed his eyes at Anne, “Miss. Shirley-Cuthbert, please spell ‘absence’”.

For some reason, the word suddenly made it hard for Anne to swallow. She shook her head, accounting it to nerves, and boldly spelled out, “Absence. A-B-S-E-N-C-E”.

“Correct”.

She barely heard the cheers in the room over her own thoughts. Absence. The state of being away from a place. Or person. For the past few months, Avonlea school house had felt an absence in the form of an empty chair.

_“Wistful, Mr. Sloane”._

In the last few weeks, Billy Andrews had slyly worked his way up to the unfilled seat, now claiming the spot next to Charlie Sloane as his own. Though he tried to hide it, Charlie’s displeasure was evident in the way he would stiffen every morning when Billy put his books down.

_“That is incorrect, please be seated”._

Anne watched the lanky boy as he made a show of prancing to his desk with an air of carelessness. She wondered if anyone else noticed the sadness weighing his shoulders down. Charlie Sloane had not been the same when they all returned from Christmas to one less student in the room. He must have been aware of the weight because he seemed to be trying to hide it by working extra hard for laughs or a disciplinary trip up to the board for distracting others.

_“Miss. Andrews, Nostalgia”._

In fact, all of the students seemed to be baring a weight on their shoulders nowadays.

_“That is incorrect”._

There was less laughter. More melancholy. But the odd thing was, even if everyone felt it, no one seemed to want to talk about it. All they could do was steal sour glances at the new body attempting to fill up a void in the center of the room. Anne couldn’t help but wonder why she was the only one that seemed to be doing all in her willpower to avoid looking at that desk.

_“Gil”._

Anne’s head snapped up, “W-what?”

Mr. Phillips gave a heaving sigh of disapproval, “Guild, Miss. Shirley, as in an association of artisans. However, I was addressing the question to Miss. Barry, so, please, kindly remove your head from the clouds and join our lesson today”.

Anne furiously tried to ignore the burning sensation that had settled on top of her cheeks and listened as Diana slowly spelled out the word. “G-I-L-”

Mr. Phillips exasperated voice arose from the back of the classroom, “That is incorrect”.

The class erupted into cheers of Anne’s name as Diana enthusiastically congratulated her friend. Anne nodded a brief thank you and shakily made her way back to her seat. As she sat, she allowed her eyes to drift and eventually rest on the empty chair that had been so painfully persistent in her conscious all spring.

 

+++

 

_Dear Anne-_

_I’ve had so much time to think back over our last conversation that day I left for port. I realized, I never told you that, above all else, I’m sorry. That’s what I was trying to tell you that day in the shop as we were saying goodbye. I’m sorry I called you Carrots and I’m sorry I pulled your hair. I just wanted to talk to you, and I was sorely, sorely mistaken on how I should have gone about it. Because of my stupidity, we wasted weeks where I think we could have easily become good friends. Maybe when I return to Avonlea, we can try again. We can start over now that we have our truce._

_I wonder to what extent you would have changed me had I stayed longer. I wish there was some way to describe to you the effect you had in Avonlea when you came bursting in with your red hair and big words. Anne, the way your friendship changed Diana Barry, for example, is nothing short of a miracle. You’ve met Mrs. Barry, so I think you will agree that the amount of freedom and imagination Diana has been allowed to have has been limited at best. Before you, she was silent nearly every time I saw her at school. She just sort of would sit at her desk next to Ruby and passively listen to Josie Pye be nasty about the girls sitting right behind her. When you showed up in Avonlea, I saw her speak more in those weeks than the years I have known her. She seems almost...lighter. More like an actual girl than just a small woman. I’ve noticed she no longer walks as if she’s about to be stepped on._

_Before you, the Cuthberts were just two siblings living off on a secluded hill. I don’t think I had ever seem Marilla smile and I had certainly never witnessed Matthew crack a joke. Home is not the same place as it used to be, and I mean that in the best way possible._

_I have found myself thinking more and more about the things I miss back home. For instance, there seems to be no seasons whatsoever here. Not even nights offer relief from the heat that hangs over me all day long. It makes me remember the feeling of new spring air back home. I would so love to see another spring._

_Best wishes,_

_Gilbert._

 

+++

 

Giggles rang in the light air as the three girls made their way over the worn path.

The melting snow on the ground seemed to breathe new life into their youthful hearts as they made their way to their homes.

“And that, according to Moody” continued Anne between giggles, “is the reason he and Charlie came into school sopping wet and shivering”.

Diana shook her head with a smile, “Mr. Philips kept shooting them the most horrid looks every time he passed them huddled up by the stove”.

“Well, I should think you would be rather annoyed as well, Diana, if you were trying to teach geometry but kept being interrupted by two sets of chattering teeth!” exclaimed Ruby.

The trio broke out into laughter again, remembering how pitiful the two boys looked when they entered the school house two days prior.

“I must say, the boys seem to somehow be getting more and more dense as the days continue on,” chuckled Anne.

Ruby scoffed, “It’s because they no longer have their fearless leader to be their voice of reason”.

The laughter abruptly ceased.

She flipped her golden hair over her shoulder with a little sniff, “What? It’s true. No one seems to want to talk about it, but the fact of the matter is, the entire dynamic of our schoolhouse has changed since he left. I must admit, I simply do not miss him nearly as much as I would have last year. Oh, I was dead gone on him. But, now it’s as if I have forgotten about him completely, so I suppose I never really cared for him as much as I thought I did. It must have just been a fleeting infatuation”. Her eyes flitted to Anne briefly, obviously quite proud of herself for her use of big words.

To her frustration, Anne felt her heart sinking half a centimeter down into her chest, allowing her to only be able to manage a weak nod in response. The drastic and brief change in air went unseen by a completely oblivious Ruby, who continued prattling on about the days of Gilbert past. However, Diana Barry was not so unobservant. She squinted at her best friend with calculating eyes, trying to read the lines and pursed lips on the face of the girl next to her. But, as quickly as it had come, the moment was shattered by Diana exclaiming in an astoundingly bright tone, “Oh, Ruby, speaking of boys, I’ve heard whispers from my mother that the board of the school is looking to replace awful Mr. Philips quite soon”.

Without skipping a breath, Ruby began listing off story after angry story of the times Mr. Philips had been unforgivably nasty to her and the other students, punctuated with the occasional pause following a “ _can you believe?_ ” or “ _the nerve!_ ”.

Anne glanced sheepishly out of the corner of her eye to Diana who was now looking straight forwards, pretending to be utterly enthralled with the stories Ruby was telling, though she had been present for all of them. She wanted to hug her tightly for veering the conversation in a new direction and also stop her right there to ask why she had felt the need to at all.

At a fork in the road, Ruby eventually bid farewell to her companions and set off towards her own house. Diana and Anne hurried across the Lake of Shining Waters to Diana’s front door, talking excitedly about everything they had planned for the evening. After months of unashamed begging and some of Anne’s most persuasive speeches, Diana’s mother and Marilla had finally allowed the girls to spend the night at the Barry residence.

They had been looking forward all week to a night of baking, tea, and talks by the fire, just as all grownups do when they have “company” over.

As of Mrs. Barry’s demands, the girls were heading up to bed at 10 o’clock sharp. But, that did not stop them from whispering and stifling laughter under the covers well past midnight.

“Oh, Anne, I can’t believe we burned the scones that badly. I don’t think Minnie May would have even failed so miserably”.

The girl hid her face in her hands in mock mortification, “Marilla is always speaking about how God has bestowed us all with our own gifts and talents, but I’m afraid cooking is one I profoundly lack”.

“I wish Ruby could have been here to help,” added Diana.

Anne let out a sorrowful sigh, “I do as well. It would have made this event even more memorable”.

“Maybe next time, we can ask if she can stay over as well,” her friend reassured her, “I just felt this time three guests would have certainly made my mother say no”.

“Was it true what you told her today, Diana? Are they really looking to replace Mr. Philips?”

“I heard my mother talk about it with Mrs. Andrews one day out in the garden,” Diana recalled, “It sounded like a lot of the parents have been unhappy with him for some time”.

Anne sighed, “I can’t say I much blame them. It seems that somehow he has gotten even more dreadful than he as before. It’s almost as if he’s making math impossible just to vex us”.

“And history. Sometimes I’m sure he’s making things up. Even the spelling bees don’t last as long as they used to, do they?”

Anne’s grip tightened on the sheets around her. Somehow she knew what Diana was searching for, “Don’t say that, you were a nobel opponent”.

Diana was quiet for a moment. “Anne?” she began slowly, “How come you never did tell me what happened that day you saw him in town”.

 _Because I don’t know what happened_ , Anne thought.

It was true, she had not told anybody about what had happened on that cold December morning she had shared with Gilbert Blythe in the coffee shop. Not even her kindred spirit. Every time she tried to untangle that afternoon in her head, she was greeted by electricity shooting through her elbow from the place he had gently lead her down the street with. She couldn’t make sense of the way her heart seemed to climb into her throat every time she remembered the way his eyes had looked back into her own.

“Oh, there isn’t much to tell, Diana,” Anne replied, trying to keep her voice as steady and monotone as possible, “I can’t say it was very eventful. We only talked for a bit”.

_So why can’t I tell her the truth?_

“About what?”

_His life. His father. Everything. How he might not even come back._

“About his work at the docks, what he plans to do on the steamer. He told me he had heard about Matthew then offered his condolences. I apologized for the way I behaved about his father”.

_He forgave me and time stopped and for some reason I can’t stop thinking about the wordless moments that came after. Why can’t I stop thinking about those moments?_

“Then he had to return to work, so we stepped back outside and declared a truce on our frivolous rivalry”.

_I told him that I missed him._

“Jerry returned to us shortly after, we said goodbye and he left”.

_I wish I would stop wondering how long it would have lasted if Jerry had remained silent._

“Ah, I see” Diana was clearly not satisfied with the answer but, with a yawn, realized she was far too tired to push her friend for anymore information. Carefully, she fluffed her pillow and wiggled her way down into the sheets, allowing her eyes to fall heavy.

“Anne?” she said sleepily, “Do you think he will be home soon?”

_He must. He told me he would._

She stared out the window at the spring buds just beginning to wake on the branches outside. He had said Matthew had offered to help him with his land when spring came. Spring was here. And still his fields sat untouched next to the red brick house that sat equally as abandoned. How was he to help if the boy who owned them was an ocean away? The thought made Anne’s stomach clench.

“I’m afraid I don’t know”.

_I am afraid. I need him to come home._

“Well,” added Diana only after the lights were turned out in attempts to hide the smile that had threatened to overtake her lips for the majority of their conversation, “We will all miss him in the meantime, won’t we?”

“I suppose we will”.

_I do. I do miss him._

 

+++

 

_Dear Anne-_

_There were so many things I wanted to say before I walked away. More than just “I’m sorry”._

_There were so many things you needed to know before I picked up my bag and walked onto a boat headed in the last direction I wanted to be. Not only away from Avonlea and the troubles I left behind there, but away from you. I thought that this is what I wanted. I do think that my father would have wanted me to see the world he so loved. But, in those last few minutes with you, for some reason I couldn’t quite bring myself to remember why I was leaving at all. Yet, I said none of them._

_Truth be told, if Jerry hadn’t said anything, I think I might have stayed there, looking back at you forever. I don’t know why I just couldn’t form the words and tell you that I missed you as well. Or how much I knew I would to miss you when I left. Or how I really wanted you to be right here with me, seeing the world and talking about it in a way no one else on earth could._

_I don’t know why I couldn’t tell you that not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought of you...not since the day you broke a slate over my head. That seems like years ago now. Now I am forced to scribble all of those unspoken words and unsaid thought out into a piece of paper that will just be thrown into the ocean and never make its way to you._

_The last thing you told me was to come home someday. After weeks of being at sea, surrounded by strange people and strange places, I’ve found myself thinking more about the stories I am going to tell you when I get back than the next port we will be docking in. I have realized that I have become homesick, not for a brick house and a front porch...but for a girl._

_I miss you, Anne._

_I have, I think, come to realize that no road I could travel down will ever be the same as the welcoming red that leads to the school house. No ocean I could ever sail over will be as beautiful as the grey sea that lines the coast of Avonlea._

_So, I’ve made up my mind. And I’m on my way home._

_See You Soon, Carrots._

_Gil._


End file.
